just stop

I am tired of people telling me that it is my choice to be in a relationship. They have no idea, it's not like it's from a lack of trying. But you know what, a decade of trying and as recent as 7 months ago, has yielded the same results. It does not matter my mindset, how I do things etc the results are always the same.

1. I attract crazy mother fuckers

2. I attract what I am not attracted to: butch women, butch women old enough to be my mom and large black women. Sorry, I just don't dig that. No offense.

3. I attract straight couples looking for threesomes.

What almost over a decade of trying has taught me:

1. I have never been anyone someone wants to be with (unless see above)

2. It does not matter what mindset or how differently I go about things the end result is always the same.

3. Those that I am interested in are taken or not interested. So no normal people.

4. Some people are supposed to be alone and I am one of them.

5. That those are the facts and the universe has hammered that into me time and time and time again no matter how hard I try to change and get cocky about it and believe that one day....

I am done. I am done with believing, with trying, with hoping, with being disappointed. It will always be me, myself and I. it will always be myself and my dogs. It does not matter what I do or how hard I try. I am unlovable within the periamters of a relatonship. That is what the universe dictates. That is just the facts, plain and simple. It always has been. Don't give me false hope and lies about how it is my choice and there is someone out there for everybody and everyone has a soulmate blah blah blah. Because there is not and that is just life and how things work. So STFU and stop telling me that it is not, because it isn't and never will be. I will always be alone and there is no changing that no matter how I wish things were different or how hard I try. It is what it is...so just stop because all it does is make me feel like shit and a fuck up. Which i already know i am. I am tired and tried of trying. And don't say "things come when you don't expect it" because I have done that shit too. I am tired and listening to what the universe has been trying to telling me for years now.

end of rant....