On Renewals

So I am kickstarting, restarting, renewing, rebirthing this Site. Seems apropos with Lent, which is a time of reflection, renewing, acknowledging our mortality and being grateful for Life. I want to shift the core focus of the Site to my own Spiritual Journey. I will detail a brief summary.

I grew up in a household that did not go church. I was an agnostic, further hardened by the hypocrisy and hatred I saw coming from churches in the 80’s. This was during the height of AIDS epidemic. You could also not be Christian and gay in their eyes. I knew I was hated. So why would I go where I was not wanted and to a God that hated me. I also saw the hypocrisy of those claiming to follow Jesus and doing the exact opposite. I saw money being poured into Televangelists by people who could not afford it and were desperate for hope. It sickened me, all of Christianity sickened me from what I saw. I wanted nothing to do with it, nor did I believe it.

I read Joseph Campbell’s The Masks of God series. I had always had a keen interest in history and myth, so why not. That book series opened up worlds for me. I studied World Religions, including Christianity. I had always found in myself a searching, a seeking, more than this isn’t there, a longing. I admire all the major world religions. There is a commonality to them all. I find them all beautiful. I was particularly struck by Buddhism. I read and read some more, read sacred texts and practiced. I did this for many years and gradually stopped. I still considered myself a Buddhist, but not practicing much.

In 2012, I yearned for more. I started attending a Unitarian Universalist church and started going to seminary to learn more and perhaps to discover things about myself too. I did 3 years part time online. I discovered the Desert Mothers and Fathers and their writings, learned about early Church History, read early theology and fell in love with pastoral care. It was the early church, in all it’s infancy and contemplative crying out that spoke to me. I started to read modern theologians and contemplatives: CS Lewis, Martin Buber, Thomas Merton, Walter Brueggemann, NT Wright, John Shelby Sprong, Marcus Borg, Richard Rohr, Peter Enns, Rob Bell, Rachel Held Evans, Diana Butler Bass. It always AND STILL cracks me up that they are called progressive or liberal. If anyone has read or studied the history of Christianity and the church, they would recognize that these people are getting back to the early church. What the early theology and church was like before it became a Roman State Religion and then a political point of power and subsequent twisted version of itself and several spin off’s that tried/trying to correct that. They are taking us back to the roots.

Anyway, I was still longing and wanting more spiritually. I stopped going to the UU Church and was looking for a new home, both spiritually and back where I grew up. In 2017, I finally found a home where I grew up and one day was scrolling thru Facebook. I saw a live feed from the Episcopal Church and there a black dude preaching to the whitest congregation somewhere out in the MidWest. He was jumping around, hollering with joy and love and excitement. Half of the congregation was in awe and the other half mortified and did not know what to think. I was GLUED. I watched the entire thing. This guy was saying "God is Love and if it is not about Love, then it is not about God". THAT!!!!!! That right there is what I wanted to be a part of. His message stuck my heart and soul literally. Only months later did I find out that I had been watching the Presiding Bishop Curry. I love that man. He walks the walk and talks the talk.

I felt such love and joy that day but did not act on it. An over the course of several months, I had a few things happen to me. Signs or nudging’s. Some I could explain away. Some I could not. Two I will relate.

I was at the Cincinnati Art Museum with a friend. I was drawn to a room, which held many beautiful religious statues, art and icons. I gravitated towards a statue of a man. It was wooden, heavily worn and slightly damaged. If I remember correctly, it came from Turkey and was from the 400’s. I remember staring at it, looking into its eyes for a period of time. In that time frame, I felt a connection, a different feeling washed over me. It was calming. I remember thinking in my head, “Yes. Yes, I know” Like I was answering a question. In my heart, I knew the question. I blinked and the connection was broken. I walked over to the wall plaque and read that it was statue of Saint Andrew. I went home and read up on him. I felt nudged to look for a church home. Did I do anything about it? Nope.

It got warmer with Spring and I had been out back reading. I was picking up and rereading a series of books I read in Seminary. The Ancient Practices series. The first book was, In Constant Prayer. I read about halfway and decided to go to the store and pick up some groceries and hit the CoinStar to dump my bag of change. I started the CoinStar and kept checking the coin return for coins that did not go thru on the first go. I picked up a coin and it felt odd. I looked it more carefully. It as a bit bigger than a quarter. The face was of hands praying. I stood there in shock and kinda sacred. Like, what the hell? I looked around and then stared at the coin. I flipped the back to find the Serenity Prayer. This was the second unexplained thing to happen to me. I was still shocked while I shopped. I went home and put groceries away and continued to read. But, I did not do anything. A few hours later, I walked out the front of my house to find a rainbow facing it. We did not have any rain that would be conducive to such event. I looked at it and out loud said, “I know, I know. It will be done.” Too me, I had just had two events in one day kicking me in my ass, telling me to come home. I needed to find a home.

I remembered Bishop Curry and went online and learned more about the Episcopal church. Less than a month later I started to go one near me. I was welcomed from day one. Rev Roger did not know me. He smiled and joyfully and exuberantly hugged me, asked my name and what brought me here and, in all sincerity, said, “I hope to see you here again.” Everyone I have encountered at St Tim’s has been that way. One feels at home, ones feels part of a family. I stayed and became involved with Stephen Ministry and volunteering at the Farmers Market. I love the Book of Common Prayer, I love the ritual, I love taking communion every Sunday, I love the Episcopal church. It has been home and a wonderful spiritual fit. It brought me to God.

The Episcopal Church has become my spiritual home. It has allowed me to grow and deepen my faith. I have been following a contemplative path. I think I have been following that path all along, not knowing what to call it in the beginning. Time, events and God’s hand has led me here. I trust where I will end up.